Wednesday, June 12, 2013

The Pant Predicament

Carmen in her own words:

So apparently I need a belt. I recently have lost enough weight that NONE of my pants fit correctly. I have had to roll the tops of some of them until I can afford to get pants that are my size (or a whole new wardrobe) but I am saving money till I can go on at least a small shopping spree, so I was hoping to get by on not spending a dime on my apparel till then.

My Son proved me wrong by deciding today was the day to display my hot pink leopard underwear to the entire park and wait in the school's parking lot ... While I was wearing them! 


I will be buying a cheapo Walmart belt tonight!!!!

*Editor's note*

This is not the first incident involving Battle Ax and Carmen's loose pants.

Later that night...

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Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Getting Dressed is Hard

This is a Lucy adventure:

Somedays getting dressed is just plain difficult. This is even worse when you're a kid. One morning in Lucy's household went like this:

First she checked in on her oldest, Jill (age 9)...


Lucy proceeded to dig through Jill's clothes and found her a pair of pants...


After finally convincing Jill that these were, indeed, a different pair of pants; Lucy went to check on the progress of her youngest, Lilith (age 7)...


Lucy returned to see how things were coming with Jill while Lilith changed...


Realizing this was not a fight she could win, Lucy backed out of the room to see if things were going any better with Lilith. There she found Lilith trying to secure a pillowcase around herself using bobby pins. 


In the end the children were clothed and they made it out the door... though no one was happy about it...




Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Carmen Unglued

Carmen, in her own words:

So it’s that special time of year again. When Every Joe Shmoe, Ma Pa and Big name Giant come together to gouge and milk every cent that they can by exploiting the human emotion 



Every person in this wonderful country is exposed and brainwashed, from the day they open their eyes to the day they die, to buy into the commercially driven Hallmark holiday - known as Valentine’s Day.

Now, I’m not going to go into a huge rant about Anti-Valentines this and that. Because I still enjoy and bask in celebrating romance and get giddy in planning and surprising my significant other. But hear me out. I am a very creative and resourceful human being. I jump at the chance to spend endless hours, sacrificing what spare minuets I have as a busy momma of 3, cutting, melting my finger prints off with a glue gun and putting together BEAUTIFUL and Original Valentines for my Children. 

However this year when my daughter brought home the ever-growing list of student names from her class.



Well …I was crushed ..I swallowed the tears brimming at the corners of my eyes and nodded my head in acceptance of what had just been told to me. 

Somewhere in the back of my head, like an old movie reel projection of my past, played out in my head. I saw myself telling my mother that I was too old for Care Bare stuff. 

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.


Sunday, February 3, 2013

Screw Fashion Trends and my Pants!

This is a Lucy adventure.

One hectic morning that started a good hour and about four jabs of the snooze button late, Lucy quickly got dressed and then proceeded to the living room where she would direct the flow of her children protesting having to get in the car. 

Lucy's boyfriend, helpful as ever, interrupted the mayhem.

Mr. All Star: You realize your pants are on backwards, right?

Lucy: Of course I'm aware. It's the new fashion trend! But you know what, screw the fashion trends. I want to rebel today. I'm going to go put my pants on the right way.








Saturday, September 29, 2012

The Dead Wiener is Making the Children Cry

This is a Carmen adventure.

Back in the days before children and husbands, when your co-workers were what provided the daily amount WTFery, Carmen worked at a Wienerschnitzel.

Carmen had a co-worker who we'll call Susan (as in "lazy Susan". It's the best I could come up with. Don't judge me).

Susan would show up late on a regular bases and ask for smoke breaks left and right.

Susan: (After showing up to her shift 25 min. late) Can I have a smoke break?

Carmen: You've been here literally 5 min.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

No Officer, We Do This For Fun

This is a Carmen and Lucy Joint Adventure

Lucy's sister-in-law does photos. She has a show coming up at the Hive Gallery in Salt Lake City. For this show she needs to take zombie pictures.... Lots of zombie pictures. This is important for you to know.

So here we are at Lucy's, bloodied up and screaming war cries as we pretend to be zombie assassins. Lucy's boyfriend (the marine/cross fit trainer/ kung fu all star) hollers out, "You can do better than that!". 

Well, apparently we did awesome!